Submission from a woman, particularly from a woman of emotional strength and depth, cannot be demanded. It cannot and should not be handed over as simply as one hands over keys to the car, although we use that analogy often in describing a male-led household.
Nor can a responsible woman agree to submit to a man before she knows him very, very well.
Submission cannot be taken in a healthy relationship. Submission must be earned.
When a woman chooses to submit control of her life and her children to a man, she will then be subject to his leadership and decisions, good or bad. If she challenges or defies his decisions regularly, she has not submitted to him. She must allow him to lead.
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| 2. The harmonious way to run a home|
But it is highly unwise for a woman to allow just any man to take her in hand, no matter how charming or successful he may be. How will she react if he makes demands of her that she finds morally objectionable? What if his ideas on how to manage a home/finances/children are significantly different than hers? If she allows a man to take her in hand without becoming very clear how he stands on the most important life issues, she is setting herself up for a great deal of conflict and disappointment.
I believe the most harmonious way to run a home, and which feels most natural to me personally, is for my husband to be in charge. But before I made that decision, he had to earn the respect, honor and trust from me necessary for me to offer my submission to him. I had to know, beyond a reasonable doubt, that we were compatible on the life issues that are most important to me, and although he may not be perfect, that he would never lead me astray.
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| 3. Is he worthy of her submission|
Only once he had earned the gift of my submission, by proving himself strong, wise and worthy, did he receive it. Submission is not a sweet romantic notion all the time. There are times every couple disagrees on the right course to take. If a man is to lead a household, he must be able to determine which course is best and make his decision even if his wife disagrees. A woman must be comfortable that when this situation arises, she will be able to honor him in good faith and good conscience, even if she does not agree.
Granting a man submission and allowing herself to be a beautiful gift from a woman. But before she gives a man this right, she should think very, very carefully that he is the right man, that he is worthy of her submission.
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| 4. Submission must be respected|
This is a beautifully written, and well thought out article, and explaining in 'heart' detail of what kind of relationship can bring real happiness, not only to both partners, but, for the entire family, when it is fully respected by both partners.
Time, sweet time, is the answer for true respect that just as submission must be earned, and once it is, may it NEVER be taken for granted for even a moment by either partner.
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I've forwarded this on to strong women friends who believe in egalitarian relationships to show them it's not about subjugation. Each partner in relationships has a responsibility: The man not to domineer; the woman not to become a doormat. Many strong women ideally want a man as strong, if not stronger, as they are in all areas: intellectually, spiritually, emotionally. It's a power dynamic which is complementary so that each partner can grow and learn from one another.
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There is a big difference between theory and practice. Since the 60's and onward, egalitarian relationships has been the standard. As time has gone by, we've learned more accurately about the distinct differences between male and female. It's not a question about who is in control and who is controlled as class conscious women's groups would argue, but rather each sex has a different role to fulfill. There is harmony when the male accepts his role as dominant and the female as submissive. The problem today is that many men and women are struggling with themselves regarding this issue, some aware of it and others unaware of what's going on inside of them.
An egalitarian relationship is one that by its nature becomes hypocritical and dishonest because the male acts as he is supposed to rather than how he really feels inside and so does the female. In other words, each is living their lives according to the theories and plans set out by politics and special interests. To move away from this and live simply according to how our biological differences dictates is where true equality lies. Equality is about balance and when both sexes fulfill their respective roles, then you achieve harmony. Egalitarianism lumps both men and women into one group and role, completely eradicating the natural differences between them. As we have seen, after all the fingerpointing is done, the idealistic promises of the 60's is beginning to show its wear and tear.
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| 7. Are all men naturally dominant?|
Just because men and women are different, does not mean that all women are naturally submissive or all men naturally dominant. There are plenty of submissive men about, for instance, and always have been. I've no doubt there is harmony when people accept the role they are comfortable with, but that may not be the same role for all men and all women.
To suggest that an egalitarian relationship is necessarily hypocritical and dishonest is a wild generalization. Some are, I daresay, but I bet in the past some non-egalitarian relationships were hypocritical as well, if the woman in the marriage had no inclination to be submissive, or the man had no inclination to be dominant.
Even within the parameters of a male dominant/female submissve relationship there are great variations in the degree of dominance and submission felt by the respective partners. I, for instance, have no inclination at all to kneel at my husband's feet or worship him as a god, both of which I gather are activities popular with many submissive women, but which don't appeal to me at all. I don't believe that you can fit all men and all women into some neat 'biological role' that suits all. We are all too different.
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I liked the comment above Louises but i have to agree with her. I think the thing is that we need to accept how we feel and not condem the feelings of others. Every relationship be it friendship or even twin siblings has one person more dominant then the other. we need to find the person that fits with us. Where the power dynamic is comfortable and productive to the relationship.
I believe that what people need to learn is not that males are naturaly dominant and females submissive (though that may generally be true) but that the power dynamic in any relationship is ok. People should accept that what is natural is for one person to be more dominant in all relationships. What matters is the comfort and happiness of the two people involved. It could be strong or subtle and is for no one to judge what is best in any individual relationship so long as the people that are in it are happy.
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